Friday, January 30, 2015

Pre-Release Review: The Vomiting Dinosaurs, "Worship the Porcelain God"

THE VOMITING DINOSAURS - Worship the Porcelain God
The Vomiting Dinosaurs
"Worship the Porcelain God"

- 8 out of 10

In the metal world, band names can be deceiving. Sure, when you think of vomiting dinosaurs (or anything vomiting for that matter), "pleasant" or enjoyable isn't really the first word that comes to your mind. I mean, vomiting dinosaurs? That's awful! Before you go running for the Pepto-Bismol, wait just a minute. The Vomiting Dinosaurs is actually a pretty awesome band - especially for anyone who enjoys a bit o' grind and some right proper thrash, or just a good f**king time for that matter!

The band's debut album, "Worship the Porcelain God", is slated for release on February 10th, 2015 (in CD, cassette, and digi-download form) via Grimoire Records - a unique record label based out of the ever-metal city of Baltimore in Maryland that engineers, mixes and masters all their own releases (their roster including such fine bands as Foehammer, Organ Trail, SwampHög and Barbelith).

The Virginia tech death/grindcore trio, powered by guitarist/vocalist Ryan Auvil, bassist Kyle Patch, and drummer Wyatt Vaught, are based out of the most metal of mountainous areas in Winchester. With all the members based out of an area known for bringing about some pretty incredible inspiration, you just know that this mode of grind is going to be a cut above what you might expect. They don't leave you unimpressed or underwhelmed, that's for sure!

Noel Mueller of Grimoire Records said of the album:

"Its a 28 minute long slab of technical death/grind by Virginian 3-piece The Vomiting Dinosaurs. With track names like ChristianMingle.kill and Party in Hell, these anti-theists rip through 12 tracks of old-school death metal, thrash and face-melting grindcore with a lighthearted but firm hatred of Jesus."
If that doesn't get you excited, I don't know what will!

After hearing some pretty shining reviews among friends about this band, I was more than eager to hear what they had up their sleeves for myself. Fortunately I've managed to sneak a preview ahead of the album's release to both satiate my piqued curiousity and also to help stave away any uncertainty one might have with a name as unusual - or as awesome, depending how you want to look at it - as The Vomiting Dinosaurs. Here is a track-by-track breakdown of what you can expect, and you might be surprised at what you find!

You can also preview the first two tracks for yourself at the bottom of the page - let us know what you think in the comments. "Worship the Porcelain God" is also currently available for pre-order and can be bought at this location following its release on 2/10. If you like it, buy it, and don't forget to keep an eye on the calendar for any and all opportunities coming up to see them live. Track 1 - "Crypt Kegger"

These guys waste no time with pleasantries; they come at you fast and hard from the first second of their first track with some awfully catchy thrash and suprisingly incredible drumming driving the crazy train. It's almost like a moderately blackened Slayer at first before rolling right into a more up-tempo doom-ish sounding riff. You wonder how doom they're willing to take it before they drop it right down to a speed and doom-like feeling that Candlemass themselves would be proud of. It's not long before they're picking you right back up off the floor and spinning you in a circle, all the while wondering which direction you're next to be flung. In fact, you're to be dropped right on the floor again to lay the carpet for the next track..

Track 2 - "Tenafly Viper"

This one begins as a perfect circle pit starter, setting you off at the pace of a gallop into territories unknown. Ryan Auvil does a great job of melding his guttural grunts in perfect compliment with the riffage helping to power it. He just seems to know when things fit, goes for it, and flies right along with the high-energy, full-tilt tempo of this track. You almost picture a pit in your head, along with scenes of two dudes getting in a fight because someone smacked his girl and others moving to push them out of the spin, making the circle harmoniously violent once again. That's just my weird imagination kicking in - but these guys created a song that inspired a visualization, which is what all good music sets out to do, and that's a pretty strong sign that they're doing the whole metal thing right.

Track 3 - "ChristianMingle.kill"

Can I just say how much I loved this track title? Always appreciate when a band integrates astute societal observations of ridiculous phenomena (such as Christian Mingle, which is a website advertising dating services geared towards shallow-thinking fundies who've been made to believe that they have to constantly submit to an invisible god lest they be consigned to eternal flames of woe) mixed with a leavening of humorous passive-aggression (though perhaps not so passive, in this case). It has a bit of a Sabbath-y start before getting real black on you, as bleak and grim as the prospects to be found on Christian Mingle's dating pages. Like the true, self-admitted "sinful" natures of the super-religious, this track is as evil as a demon from hell, and as pleasing as pretty much everything the Bible tells you not to do.

Track 4 - "Crustacean"

This track immediately made me picture a crab swaying back and forth with reckless abandon to swift, thrashy shreds of the guitar, the powerful pummeling on percussion by Wyatt Vaught and deep-sea growls of vocalist Ryan Auvil. Does that mean this counts as "crab core"? At any rate, here again is a track worthy of pit formation and as many sideline windmillers as the floor space will allow.

Track 5 - "Total Protonic Reversal"

Right away this hearkened me to Cammo Shorts with a brief interlude of drumming that seems way too fast to be human, before entering into unfamiliar but still greatly satisfying territory. I love the whole effect these guys can convey that gives a sense of a spinning circle with the way they jump in a consistent (but not altogether unchanging) pattern, as if they're using their instruments like giant spoons to stir the crowd below into a mass of chaotic confusion, friendly impact and flying horns. It's perfect pit music, and these guys should be played at every festival whenever the show-goers need a bit of riling up.

Track 6 - "Radiation Leak"

I really enjoyed this track. It's got such a great energy to it, with crazy jumping thrash/grind sounds that make you want to just go f**king crazy and spaz out like a maniac to the haphazard unpredictability they posses. As they've done in previous tracks, they almost want to trick you into thinking they're about to go one way or the other - like around the 0:38 mark of this track when you start to think they're about to delve deep into more death metal territory - before snapping you right back into the fray and leaving no time to prepare. The high energy continues into properly pleasing proportions discordance, metal, melody, then once again, pure and utter chaos as it comes to a close.

Track 7 - "Land of the Tardigarde"

I particularly loved the primal pound of the drums by Wyatt Vaught in the beginning of this one. It's almost as if grind was touched by an element of power metal, and it was transformed into something slightly simpler and a little askew but equally gratifying. It keeps building, and building well, until it eases into a slow stir that you just know is destined for volatility. You're proven right at 1:30 when they power up their slingshot with you as their rock, taking you along for the ride narrated by those unmistakable grunts you've come to know and love throughout the album. They get a little jiggy here and for a moment their groove is showing, until in their signature style you are thrown round again to be subjected to several heavy stomps on the floor before it's on to the next adventure.

Clearly, these aren't just any vomiting dinosaurs. These beings are way more intelligent than you might have given them credit for on their band name alone.

Track 8 - "Party in Hell"

In proper grind style, most of their songs end shortly after the two-minute mark. Remarkably, The Vomiting Dinosaurs manage to infuse that short breath of time with an array of different metal genres; almost to the point where you're unsure it would be fitting to call them a grind band. Unlike a lot of grind (that I've come across, anyway), every one of these tracks has been immensely pleasing to listen to and this album is absolutely the thing you need to perk you up or vent you out - whether you're seeing them live or listening to them in the car stuck in traffic as you blast it as loud as possible over that stuck-up yuppie bitch listening to "top 40" as she shrieks in a valley girl dialect into her iPhone at her very rich best friend from Fairfax on the other line. Tech death is definitely, in my opinion, a far better descriptor of how this album sounds as a whole.

Track 9 - "PTFO"

Really loved the blackened doom/death overtones in the first half of this one. Nice and evil, just how I like my metal. Up-tempo, too, as anyone who lives by the code of thrash will greatly appreciate. All of these guys really compliment each other well, each matching one another in perfect accord to somehow cook up concoctions that are both unusual, unconventional and highly enjoyable. I imagine their jam sessions must be incredible and I'd love to sit in on one. Any time you see this kind of chemistry, you know something awesome has taken form.

Track 10- "Speed Metal Hunks"

Kudos for the hilarious title, and more kudos for the insanely melodic, thrash/grind opening blows of this track which leave you begging for more. They don't disappoint, hitting all the right notes and reaching all the right places. Once you've gotten knee-deep into this song, you realize that the title is really describing what you're about to hear; the sounds that are coming out of the speakers at this point are dead sexy and there's no getting around it. This track was preened and groomed whilst still left rough and gritty... like all proper hunks should be.

Track 11 - "Synthetic Child"

A slow, steady build brings you to a cyclone of chaos in the way only The Vomiting Dinosaurs can, but this time they're changing the game by switching up tempos all over the damn place and fostering an environment that's totally free form until about the two minute mark. Here they break into a bit of a gallop before breaking out their gigantic metal spoons and stirring the crowd with a super-catchy drum pattern powering the circular riffs. The end is bursting with energy and there's even a slight flirtation with harmony before the track is over.

Track 12 - "Cat Slug"

First of all, can you even envision what a cat slug could possibly look like? At first read of this song title, I confess to picturing something more along the lines of Nyan Cat with a smiling kitty face and pink frosted, Pop-Tart body, leaving behind a trail of shimmery rainbows. The Vomiting Dinosaurs, however, might perhaps see it a bit differently - in the form of what you'll hear in this hilarious and brief thirty second outro.

Overall, I was very pleasantly surprised by this album and have to give it an 8 out of 10 for being a super-satisfying spin and a perfect band to see on a night when all you want to do is rage, fuck shit up, bang your head, and have your face completely melted. Well done, gents! This chick will definitely be keeping an eye out for your name on more show bills in the future, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

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